Oxen
by Lucie Brody
Summary: Some unfortunate run ins at the vending machines leaves everyone a little distrubed
1. Oxen

Disclaimer: None of these characters belong to me.

A/N: Me and Sparky wrote this together, and it goes with The Pimp from New Port, and Ugly.

"Oxen"

Marissa was standing by the vending machine in the New Port hospital, taking a break from visiting Luke (who was recovering from his car accident) trying to decide what to get. Finally, she made her selection and bent down to retrieve her food, careful of the double chocolate, vanilla milkshake that she was holding her hand.

Ryan Atwood came up behind her, smiled to himself and lightly slapped her butt, hoping the gesture would be sexy. Instead, Marissa was caught off guard and she stumbled forward, not only knocking her head against the vending machine but her face went directly into the whip cream topping the milkshake.

"So," Ryan said, oblivious to Marissa's stumble. "What'cha getting?"

Marissa righted herself slightly, but didn't turn around. "Doritos and a Rice Krispy Treat." She answered.

Ryan rolled his eyes; he loved Marissa but... "If you keep eating that stuff, you're gonna be a fat oxen."

Marissa turned around and Ryan recoiled, taken aback but sudden appearance; the whip cream covered most of her face, including her nose, complete with chocolate sprinkles. However, she had no idea. "What did you say?" She questioned, setting the milkshake aside and tearing open her Rice Krispy treat.

"Uh..." Ryan trailed off. "Your face..."

Marissa looked hurt. "What about it?"

"It's beautiful." Ryan lied through his teeth, not wanting to hurt her feelings.

Marissa smiled. "Oh Ryan." She smiled. "You're so sweet." She leaned in for a kiss but Ryan couldn't take his eyes off the chocolate chip on her nose. Ryan put his hand on her shoulder to stop her.

"Wait, you have a little something..." He mumbled and gestured toward the whip cream around her face.

Marissa noticed the dessert topping for the first time. "Oh." She said scooped some off her cheeks with her fingers and sexily (or so she thought) attempted to lick it off. Ryan twitched. "There." She said and then took a huge bite of her Rice Krispy treat.

Before Ryan could stop himself, he let out a "moo" under his breath but Marissa, being the sharp girl that she was, heard the noise. "What?"

"I love you." Ryan backtracked.

Marissa smiled again and leaned in for another kiss; Ryan tried to find a way to avoid this girl with whip cream all over her face –aside from one line where she had tried to lick it off- and Rice Krispy still in her mouth but he couldn't see a way out. Inside, he gave her a light kiss on the lips and stepped away from she could deepen the kiss. "I'm gonna go see if Luke is...still alive." Ryan mumbled, heading out of the room and leaving Marissa alone beside the vending machine, puzzled.

With a lovelorn sigh, Marissa leaned against the vending machine. "I love him." She mused happily and licked more whip cream from her face.

We hate Marissa. Thanks


	2. Oxen 2: The Mother

AN: We thought it was lost forever, but we got it back. The second part of the imfamous Oxen. Please don't take it _too _seriously.

"Oxen 2: The Mother"

Luke was still in the hospital and the Cohens, the Coopers and the Atwood were still there as well. Kirsten Cohen was studying the vending machine, yes the same vending machine where Ryan encountered Marissa earlier, trying to decide what to eat. After finally making her choice, she bent down to retrieve the Health Bar from the gutter where her food had landed.

Kirsten was still bent down, rummaging around and trying to find the bar when Seth Cohen strolled into the vending machine and saw only her butt. He recognized the jeans as the same brand that his girlfriend had recently bought, Seth snuck up behind the woman and slapped her butt, quite forcefully with none of the gentleness that Ryan had shown Marissa.

Kirsten didn't stand and a sly smile spread across her face. "Oh Sandy," She drawled as sexily as she could, "It's been so long since you've slapped me like that." There was stunned silence and she started to turn.

"Mom!" Seth cried and Kirsten stood and turned around so fast that she nearly fell into the vending machine. Seth was staring at his mother with wide eyes, too confused to be embarrassed, as though it still hadn't sunk in that he'd just slap his mother's butt.

"Seth! What did you think you were doing?" Kirsten snapped, deciding that the angry mom approach would keep her from being embarrassed. "It's that girl Summer isn't it? She's a bad influence on you. I've taught you better then to objective women like that."

Seth was silent, trying to process the fact that his father actually touched his mother in that way. He shuddered at the thought; it was just too gross to comprehend. Kirsten took his silence as a signal to continue her motherly rant. "I forbid you to see that Summer girl again."

"Mom, you can't tell me who to see anyway. I'm sixteen now." Seth defended. "Don't you want me to have friends?"

Kirsten rolled her eyes. "Seth, honey, you have friends."

Seth looked skeptical. "Like who?" He questioned.

"Well, Ryan and your father and Captain Oats. And me, I'm your friend too Seth." Kirsten answered.

Seth smiled slightly. "Really Mom? You're my friend? Do you want to have a slumber party?" He asked eagerly. Kirsten frowned slightly. "We can stay up late talking and sharing secrets and we can even paint each other's nails. And Captain Oat's hooves of course, I wouldn't want him to feel left out."

Kirsten backed away from her son slightly; she had always wanted a daughter, but not that bad. "You know, Seth, honey, I saw a closet down the hall...why don't you find Summer and go have sex with her." She reached into her purse and pulled out a pair on handcuffs. "Here, these should help make you more...manly."

Seth's eyes went wide again. "Mom, you carry those around?" He didn't take the cuffs.

"Well, you never know when your father might show up and..." Kirsten began but Seth quickly cut her off before she could finish.

"Gross, Mom, that's enough." He said. "I get the point." Seth headed out of the room, feeling that he had had enough motherly bonding time for a while.

As he headed out, Sandy Cohen headed into the room and smiled at his son. Seth couldn't help but shudder.


End file.
